~ Obviously talking about Chocolate ~
“Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re gonna get.”- Forest Gump
Well, I call bull, because let me tell you, I know exactly what I’m going to get from a box of chocolates; deliciousness and temporary satisfaction, followed by calorie remorse. It’s a flawless methodology. So, Mr. Gump, life, unlike chocolate, is filled with uncertainties so this quote is untrue.
As a drop out Food Scientist, I, chemically speaking advocate for chocolate to be proclaimed as the tastiest food on earth, and honestly, I’ve had little opposition to this claim. Any was simply regarded as naivety and crazy talk. But then, on a dark April day (it was a great day actually), I assertively took a bite of North Korean chocolate purchased at Kwangbok Supermarket, and what greeted my tastebuds was something like I’ve never had before. It wasn’t chocolate, I know my chocolate, and I don’t read Korean so OBVIOUSLY, I made a mistake. To settle this innocent misunderstanding, I called over my English-speaking Korean guide for translation, she read the label and said “chocolate” with a content lil grin. I was flawed, I couldn’t talk, I’ve been made a darn fool and have indeed met a chocolate I didn’t like. Consequently, I’ve taken the liberty to adjust the famous, beloved Forest Gump quote, which now reads “Life isn’t like a box of chocolate, you DON’T know what you’re gonna get, unless it’s from North Korea”, I say this because honestly, I still don’t know what I got. Their chocolate was like an oxymoron, on one hand, it was as plain as day and on the other, it was a bitter, coffee kind of, spoiled milk-ish disaster. Strange! Strange in North Korea? **Ground-breaking**
Also, because of North Korea’s skewed refund policies, I was stuck with 20, yes twenty off chocolates. Fortunately, I was able to devise a plan, I would regift them in the form of considered souvenirs/gifts for my friends and family. Unfortunately, I didn’t foresee my uncontrollable laugh when I watched the reactions of those who ate them, my loving gifts quickly became a practical joke with my uncle even questioning whether I liked him upon his first bite, whoops. Although come on, it’s a chocolate, made in a factory in NORTH KOREA, how many people can say they have had the opportunity to try North Korean food, let alone North Korean Chocolate? Then again, if you’re taking my uncle’s word for it, he may call it inopportuneness.
Anyway, the all-important ranking, and because we take this so seriously, the world-renowned food ranking methodology of EAT has been employed (A for Eat, E for Execution and T for Taste – Duh). Drum Roll Please…. Congratulations North Korea you have received 2 out of 5 stars for your chocolate. The reason for this score excluded taste (for obvious reasons) and instead focused on two factors; affordability and all the effort required to create such an insipid product, surely that deserves some recognition.
Official Taste Rating: 2/5
***Disclaimer: This was based on 7 unknowing and possibly unwilling participants reactions, but more or less it’s legit
On that note, there’s an appropriate Aussie saying that sums it up, it goes; it’s better than a ham sandwich, better than a kick up the backside. In other words, it’s better than nothing. So, if you make it to North Korea, try the chocolate, it’s almost like a cultural experience if you’ve read this. Oh, and feel free to thank me later for adjusting your expectations, because little to no expectations means little to no disappointments..